A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. – John 13:34 (NKJV)
In the past, love was often shaped by literature, such as Romeo and Juliet, and sometimes poetry. However, today, the media largely influences our understanding of love. In his book The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman identifies five ways in which love is expressed: “Words of Affirmation,” “Quality Time,” “Receiving Gifts,” “Acts of Service,” and “Physical Touch.” While Chapman’s ideas are insightful, as Christians, our understanding of love is rooted in God’s Word, particularly in the life of Jesus Christ.
Firstly, Jesus expressed love through acts of service. He came to serve, not to be served, and gave His life as a ransom (Matthew 20:28). A powerful example of this is when Jesus washed His disciples’ feet before His crucifixion (John 13:4-5). In marriage, spouses should serve each other through actions, such as helping with tasks or offering assistance (1 John 3:18).
In addition to service, Jesus also demonstrated the importance of quality time. He often taught His disciples privately (Mark 4:34) and shared intimate moments with Peter, James, and John during key events (Matthew 17:1-8; Mark 14:33-34). These show that love is nurtured through the time spent with others, especially those you hold dear. Spending undistracted, one-on-one time together assures your spouse that they are a priority.
Furthermore, words of affirmation were vital in Jesus’ relationships. He affirmed people’s faith, such as the Roman centurion (Matthew 8:10), the Syrophoenician woman (Matthew 15:28), and acknowledged Peter’s declaration of Him as the Messiah (Matthew 16:17-18). Words have immense power to build up and strengthen relationships. Similarly, spouses should speak words of encouragement and affirmation to one another, whether through compliments, words of support, or simple expressions of love, making their partners feel seen and valued.
Moreover, Jesus was a giver, from performing miracles of healing to offering Himself as the atonement for sin (John 3:16) and the gift of the Holy Spirit (John 14:16-17). Giving gifts can serve as a meaningful expression of thoughtfulness and love. A gift, whether material or an act of service, communicates that you are thinking of your spouse and that they are worthy of your time and resources.
Finally, Jesus showed love through physical touch. He touched the leper (Matthew 8:3) and did not chastise the woman with the issue of blood who touched His garment (Mark 5:27-30). Physical intimacy is an essential aspect of showing love and care. In marriage, physical touch, whether through holding hands, hugging, or other forms of affection, strengthens emotional connection, fostering closeness and tenderness.
It is important to understand and embrace the different ways in which your spouse receives love. By reflecting Christ’s example through service, quality time, affirming words, gifts, and physical touch, you can deepen your bond and mirror Christ’s unconditional love.
Bible Reading Plan: Leviticus 26-27; Acts 4:23-5:11